You are my Starshine! A letter to my Autistic son on his 5th Birthday
“The whole world is different now.” That was my first thought when I saw and held my newborn son 5 years ago.
It’s funny that I thought and said those particular things because it truly was. Not only was the whole world a little bit different, but so was I! This one little person has made such an impact on my life, in all aspects, I can’t imagine a universe where he doesn’t exist.
Fast forward a couple of years when everything changed once again and we received the diagnosis that our son had regressive Autism at age 2. Our family is most likely the wikipedia photo of “different”. It’s not always easy. As a matter of a fact, things often take us alot more time and work but the truth be told, I wouldn’t change a thing. I most likely don’t share as much as I should about our funky little family but should because really, we are a special crazy lot.
I could choose to be sad and frustrated over the little things, like not getting to play the “but why” game, or that we are still in Potty training, or let my worries about his future consume me. But I choose to relish the joy in the little moments we have together.
Many times, I’m so wrapped up between my awesome clients and keeping up with my children’s schedules I don’t get a chance to share more of myself and life here any more. And sometimes, honestly, I get a little greedy with my personal photographed moments. But this guy’s presence in my life has given me a pair of rose colored glasses that I’d like to share with you in honor of a very special Birthday, so along with photos taken by a Mother very much in love, here is a short letter I wrote to my son:
My Busy Bumble Bee,
I can’t believe that you are 5! It feels just like yesterday I was meeting you for the very first time. We had plans for your 5th birthday to whisk you off to Disneyland but sometimes things don’t work out how we imagine them, and I’d like to tell you, that that’s ok! Besides, you don’t even like anything Disney except for Planes (and that was a recent development).
Believe it or not, despite your age, you are one of my best and most favorite teachers and I’d like to share with you a few of the things that you have taught me in the last 5 years.
Relish the little moments of now.
I know! That easy huh?
Being Happy means choosing to focus on the positive, no matter how over shadowed a situation may seem. It means not worrying about what others may think about us when we are doing what is right for our own well being. Where ever you may go or do in your future, that is all we really want for you.
Please always be YOU! Your own special, goofy, wild You! I understand that some people might find your ways a little offsetting or confusing. We are always doing our best to educate them, but don’t ever change who you are just so you can please another person and fit their ideas of how and who you are supposed to be. We really like the real you (and the crazy creative things you do) and do you know what I see that most people don’t?
I see SPARK! I hope someday other’s can see it too as much as we do. You kid have a special spark and I hope it’s never diminished by the way we raise you or the people you encounter. We are far from perfect as parents and are doing our best for you. Please forgive us when we mess up. You’ve got the stuff in you that makes up 180 million other stars out there in the universe! Don’t ever let us forget that when you’re reciting your fun space facts. (no pressure on us parents or anything)
And lastly, I want to thank you. Thank you for reminding me to slow down. Reminding me to find true wonder and be here in the little moments. To lie on the trampoline and watch the clouds dance. That love looks different for all people and that is doesn’t mean it is any more or any less in the ways we choose to express it. That I need to come away from editing photos on the computer and connect with you over legos, a doughnut, and space books, because you are so worth it!
You are a great big brother, wonderful son, and unique person. I can’t wait to see how much you grow in the next 5 years. It truly is a blessing to get to call myself your Mom. Thank you for making this world, our world a much better and brighter place! Don’t ever forget how much we love you! Happy Birthday my Starshine!
Love notes for Melody Rae
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